Jay Diamond – toy Colobus monkey come to life – has a new hobby. He too, like his friends Kolly Wobble, Mycroft Sharper and Rex Proctor has taken to cycling. In Jay's case there was only ever one kind of velocipede he would ever be seen on: a tricycle. It is meant for a child, but Jay has discovered he can pedal so fast his little legs become the proverbial blur.
On Sunday, Jay Diamond went for an early morning ride – so early, in fact, he needed lights. He could also have done with some extra clothes around his male monkey parts, but that is something best put aside and quickly forgotten about.
And so he cycled towards Felixstowe, the dawn and into a Zen state.
At one stage, Jay became so entranced with the physical act of what he was doing he forgot where he was. Literally. (Proper use there, folks – unless you know different.) For several seconds, he looked around as he cycled and thought he could be in just about any part of rural Suffolk … and found himself not caring one jot that he did not know exactly where. Such occasions would have caused massive panic attacks in the past, but he went with the flow of the moment and knew he would probably soon spot somewhere he recognised and his mental map would be re-set. Until then, he thought, I'll simply ride on.
He did. And he found the dawn.
Try not to do the stupid things stupid people do.