Jay's Carry On

Jay Diamond – toy Colobus monkey come to life – has been to a party. The theme was Carry On. He had first thought this referred to an old WW2 poster advising the British population to stay calm and had considered going dressed as Churchill (as it meant he could pretend to smoke an enormous cigar), but discovered it actually concerned a collection of movies.

So he watched all the films. In chronological order. And kept score of how many times he laughed. And, oddly enough, comprehended something of the human condition.

The humour involved in the films is not wit, nor is it satire, but it is based on an aspect of humanity the majority seem unwilling to discuss, or even admit. And that fact is that people are animals. And they are an advanced species of ape. And, for whatever evolutionary reason, they think about sex an awful lot. Even more than bored chimps locked up in a zoo. Their days appear to be: dream about sex, wake up, think about sex (or actually indulge themselves in it), get dressed, have breakfast, think about sex, go to work thinking about sex, do some work while thinking about sex, or indulging themselves in it, have lunch and talk about sex, go back to work and repeat the morning's thoughts about sex while attending a motivational meeting, go home, have dinner, have sex, before going to sleep dreaming about sex.

He suspects this may be why they have over-populated the world.

Anyway, Jay went dressed as rotund Sid James playing Henry VIII. He found himself slightly drunk as he networked and may have burbled and been rather incoherent.     

 

Apparently, low-energy, long-life light bulbs will only ever do one of their supposed attributes with any degree of certainty. And Jay has found that giving him a run for his money on life-expectancy is not one of them. Yes, they generally last longer than the ancient carbon-coated-whisker-in-a-vacuum their technology replaced, but he isn't holding his breath that any will ever last the ten years they are guaranteed for. A number have even terminated their existence in some sort of panpsychist electrical suicide immediately after he switches them on. He doesn't think it is personal.

Jay has also asked himself the question that while, in the past, some people might have kept a box full of receipts from several years ago, who on earth now has the ability – or time and resources – to transfer obscure files in a redundant format to the new device everyone is supposed to own?

What a carry on.    

 

Don't do the stupid things stupid people do.