Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Zombie bait

Here in Suffolk we are surreptitiously laying the foundations for our defence against the forthcoming zombie apocalypse by leaving tasty snacks for them on our roads as a means to lure them out into the open before blasting their brains out with a twelve gauge. The latest hors d'oeurve we are offering is a seemingly limitless supply of squished rat and – a first for this year – dead stoat. I've become accustomed on my morning cycle ride to evading the fresh deposits of horse dung being freely offered by my equine friends sharing the country roads (it never occurred to me until today when I saw a horse look at the traffic hurting towards it that horse boxes have little windows so they can peer out and admire the view), but it takes some bike handling skill to continually swerve away from the – presumably rank – entrails going their best to imitate Jackson Pollack. With the plethora of mangled rat that is accumulating, I'm sure I've added an extra half mile to the distance I have to travel just by taking avoiding action. Still, from the look of the dead eyes I see staring through their windscreens as they head to work, it's doing the job of attracting the zombies.  
Try not to do the stupid things stupid people do ...

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