Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Zombies in suits

The road kill baiting technique I was discussing yesterday (today a badger has been added to the dead wildlife on offer) to tempt local zombies out into the open has already proven to be a remarkable success.  This morning, at a secluded and leafy T-junction near Newbourne (not long after passing said deceased badger) a zombie in a suit, driving some semi-flash behemoth, swept into my path. He had to swerve hard to avoid me. My last thought would have been ironic: the split second before he made his attempt to remove me from this little globe of blue, I was thinking I should never become blasé about this particular piece of road and should always stop to see what might be coming.  And yet, as he careered past me, he didn't seem overly concerned.
This is the basic trouble with zombies: it's kill, kill, kill with them. It's as if they have nothing else on their minds. His blank face only registered the briefest moment of disdain. The fact that the zombie in question took avoiding action that nearly put him and his car in the hedge, rather than braking might, in some eyes, suggest that perhaps he had mysteriously remembered compassion.  Either that, or he was already sated on road kill and looking for a place to rest. I think, actually, that it was some vestige of a primitive survival instinct kicking in and that in the micro-seconds he had to react (I was stationary and completely at his mercy), some brain cells got together and realised it would be quicker for him to yank the steering wheel to one side, rather try to get his foot to the brake.
Interestingly, he didn't stop.
Perhaps he could smell the badger up ahead.
Try not and do stupid things the stupid zombies do.   

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